Climate

The European Union doesn't run my life

But its got a death grip on my blog

if tongue in cheek is my new mentality

I think I may miss the old me

Sigh

Time flies like upset water

Containers can only hold so little

I'm at the crossroads

Unable to gather the pieces of me that used to be prearranged

Funny how habits change

while time keeps all in a perfect order

Steely

What if 

Appearances rang true

What if 

you could judge a book by its cover

What if 

perception was the most useful tool in a utility belt.

I don't know the answer

 But I do know eye contact can be more of a challenge than an invite.

Remember?

I used to compose

on worn slabs of concrete.

I used to roll back and forth challenging my projected stopping points.

Sometimes I would succeed.

Other times I would fail.

Sadly the veil of my youth slipped away to reveal the barrenness of maturity and the never ending press of

Responsibility.

Motivation. 

Heaven sent in its finer times, Grotesque in its dogged hours.

Unrelentlessness 

A skill worth having

Uncontrolled it is nothing but a beast of burden.

Somedays I wish I was back on those concrete slabs

but no matter how hard I wish

fruition will never come

For those well worn slabs are now 3 story houses 

built Up

 instead of

Out

Timeliness

Almost a month since the last time, and just about everything is flipped on its head.

Home is a nice place to be when you don't have much that you need to be doing. 

But I have a lot to do and I have a lot I need to improve.

Funny how sometimes it seems as if the world literally passed you by, while you were just stopping to appreciate the brightly colored flora in the area.

Word choice being what it is, I am currently back home in Houston. In the same neighborhood I grew up in; on the same old streets I've been on since I was old enough to be on streets. But at the same time almost everything is different. The people, the buildings, the cars. It's confusing. At some point in time, I felt like I owned these streets. Now I watch the kids pass by and try to come to the terms with the fact that I'm turning 24 in 2 days. A different man. A different time, place, and circumstance.

I had a friend tell me not to live in the past. 

At the time I shook it off, as if it was a ridiculous idea. 

But it really didn't hit me until about a week later that maybe he is right. 

Maybe I am living in the past. 

Maybe I've been doing it for a while. 

I'm not sure where that leaves me then. I feel a little out of my comfort zone these days. A little unconfident. I feel as if I talk more than I act and that when I act not much comes of it. It is easy to get discouraged, but I know I'm not meant for mediocrity; as much as the thought haunts my dreams.

I'm glad for my wife and friends.

They are there for me,

Pulling me up in my times of darkness.

Cansado

I like the place I'm in. From the outside, I don't know how much it really amounts to. But from the inside looking out, I can feel a real difference in my being. Young and Inexperienced. I guess that defines most of the people I know. Me definitely being included in that group. But still we feel like we are on top of the world, unaware that people have been making our same mistakes for eons.

Acting. Sometimes I wonder exactly how much time in one day is spent acting by a normal person. I know I do it a good amount. As soon as someone starts questioning me about my goals and future moves, I put up this wall. A wall of whatever they want to hear. A wall of whatever it takes to make them stop. I guess in a way I'm a people pleaser. Doing whatever I can to make people think I'm doing the right thing, when in the end I don't nearly enough to take myself in the direction I want to go. Silly how our priorities can cripple us.

I've been working on new songs lately and they are all really different from each other. I guess as much as I hate to admit it, I am still searching for my identity. Feeling out different personas and attitudes, wondering if they are the right ones for me. I have a friend here who does Vedic Astrology and he read my chart for funsies. He told me I would be searching for a long time, and that I would always have the feeling that I can do something better than what I am currently doing.

And if thats true then I guess I have something to look forward to.

Irony

It's funny how a mind can change. 

What one feels in a moment can dissipate like the last breath of a spark. 

Still we somehow make decisions that can alter the courses of our fleeting lives.

 I feel that fleetingness.

 Kind of like a hurtling, speeding madness. 

I can catch snippets of conversation but nothing can really stick. 

I guess you're never really as prepared as you think you are. 

And even as unprepared as we can get there is a seemingly never ending battle to produce fresh content. 

I get it. 

I would even go so far as to say I like it. 

It's a challenge. 

Something new. 

Something never done before.

But sometimes I do wonder, just exactly how to act. 

How can I fit in? 

I remember unceremoniously cutting off the piece of me that excluded me from the group all those years ago. 

It's ironic 

because now I fight a constant uphill battle 

just to differentiate myself

 from 

my 

group of 

peers.